Gardening For The Lazy, The Weak, and The Crazy

 

Do you kill things?

Plants! I mean, plants. Do you have a habit of killing every beautiful plant you lay your hands on?

Do you think, Maybe this time? Then before a week even goes by, you swear you can see it silently screaming, and miming to “Please, just end it now.”

What if I told you those days are over? What if I told you I used to have a blacker than black thumb? I killed cacti, for fuck’s sake, just by looking at it.

Now… I grow things. Beautiful things.

Flowers and food. All organically.

So what happened?

1. I read stuff

I started reading about all the ways of gardening. Non-mainstream ways and unusual ways. Wacky ways and unique ways. Boring ways, and super complicated and difficult ways. Then I started experimenting, whilst having a lot of people tell me it wouldn’t work and I can’t grow things like that.

“Like that”, meaning I don’t dig. Seriously. I don’t use pesticides or herbicides. I don’t use Miracle Grow. I barely water. (I live in the desert!) And mostly everything I use to build my garden, comes from my own yard and kitchen scraps, so I barely spend any money.

2. I embraced my flaws

I am lazy.

There. I said it.

I’m lazy. I’m forgetful. I’m flaky. I don’t follow through. A lot.

I also hate exercising. So I lack the crazy upper-arm strength I feel is required to dig a bunch of holes in the rock-hard clay soil we have. Plus, I’m lazy.

In order to dig a hole in our soil, I need my husband and a pickaxe. While it’s a turn-on to watch his muscles ripple and glisten with sweat, gardening is therapeutic for me and I want to do it all myself.

I’m also stubborn and a research nerd. I love to constantly learn.

I embraced these flaws of mine and created a gardening method which suits me and my flaws.

Any of this sound like you?

3. I gardened

The hard part was getting started. I mentioned I am lazy and don’t follow through a lot, right?

My husband put up some rabbit-proof fencing around the area I designated for our garden. After months of staring at that fence, and only that fence, my husband said to me, “You’re never going to build this garden.”

That was the fire under┬ámy ass that I needed. You know when someone tells you, you can’t do this or that, or you’re not going to do it? Then you get all crazy in your head, thinking, “Oh, yeah?! Oh, yeah?! I’ll show you, fucker.” (Seriously, I adore my husband.)

So I built my garden, and that’s been the hardest part in all of this.

I don’t till my soil. I don’t haul huge bags of this soil conditioner or that soil amendment.

I take a perfectly lazy approach to gardening, and it works.

Doesn’t that sound amazingly wonderful?

I cannot wait to start teaching you my gardening method. It doesn’t have a name. It just is what it is. I also look forward to learning along the way, from my own gardening mistakes (because I am forever experimenting) and from your own gardening experiences.

Welcome to my world. It’s slightly unstable, but you’ll learn good things. I promise.

6 Replies to “Gardening For The Lazy, The Weak, and The Crazy”

  1. So amazing! I can’t WAIT to enter your world of gardening!!!
    I have zero strength from a chronic illness, AND I kill shit, PLANTS, also with just a look…I swear.
    Let’s DO THIS! I’m more than ready to learn.

    1. LOL Working on it! Gearing up to get some instructional ebooks and posts on my site soon! ­čÖé

  2. I’m so lazy I don’t even garden–much. Mostly herbs, that I, too, forget to water even when my husband (who works his tail off gardening because for some reason he finds THAT therapeutic) gets on my case about it.

    But I can’t wait to read more about your method and your exploits.

    1. Haha Yes, gardening is therapeutic for me, as well. Currently planning some new posts to put up soon! Thanks for visiting!

  3. Plant Assassin From Hell says: Reply

    My house is the place plants go to for. I really run a hospice for plants, inside or out.
    Poor things. But I refuse to give up and I’m willing to try anything.

    1. LOL hospice for plants. Sounds like what I used to run in my home. If I can turn my black thumb green, you can, too!

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